Vulcans will drive me crazy
by Guylene
Summary: Just an old country doctor giving some unwanted advice. Missing scenes from "Balance of Terror", "The Galileo Seven" and some other episodes...
1. Chapter 1

**Set after the episode "Balance of Terror"**

**Personal Log of Dr. Leonard McCoy, Chief Medical Officer on the USS Enterprise**

**Stardate 1712.2**

_Vulcans. Why do I have to deal with the most stubborn of them EVER?_

Spock hasn't been his usual hypervulcan self later. Yes, this time we almost didn't make it. Yes, he accidentally touched a panel thus signaling our position to the Romulan and yes, he was taunted by a racist jackass who believed him to be a traitor. He's been clearly distressed since then but gess who's pretending to be fine and behaving as nothing had happened? Of course, that's Mr. Spock, First Officer on the USS Enterprise!

Today I decided I had enough, Vulcan reserve or not. I needed to talk to the man. He wasn't on the bridge and I couldn't find him in his quarters so I asked the computer to locate him.

"Mr. Spock is in lab 6, C Deck."

Lab 6, C Deck means training. I got there wondering what the hell he was doing.

I found him studying a pad.

"Hello, Mr. Spock" I greeted.

He looked at me only to set his eyes on the pad again.

"Doctor McCoy."

"I need a word with you if you don't mind."

He finally looked up again and turned to me.

"Yes?"

"I suggest we go to my office. This is a personal matter." The lab was empty but people could've entered at any time.

"I am currently completing my training. If this is not urgent I suggest we postpone our meeting to a more suitable time" he stated, again turning to his work.

"Fine. We can meet in Sickbay in an hour." I snapped.

"Doctor, I just explained that I am currently completing my training."

"I'm not deaf, Spock. Let's meet in Sickbay in an hour."

I turned and left. Like I didn't know he would have protested.

OOO

Spock reported punctually to my office, even more stiff than usual.

"What is the matter, Doctor?"

The man had already gotten on my nerves but I had to moderate my harshness or he would've closed up even more.

"It seems to me that you've been under distress lately, Mr. Spock."

"Your impression is wrong, Doctor. I am perfectly fine" he answered, as I had expected.

"Really? Tell me, what training were you undergoing in the lab?"

"I was training in how to utilize the ship's equipment without using my hands" he explained in a cold voice.

"And I suppose this has nothing to do with your accident with that panel?" I asked, trying to keep my voice low.

He visibly stiffened.

"It was a mistake and I must see that it does not happen again. This is not a matter of distress but a rather simple exercise."

_A self-deprecating Vulcan was exactly what I needed!_

"No, training yourself in the lab until you're dead tired instead of _sleeping_ it's _not_ a simple exercise. Yes, I looked at your records – you spent quite a time in there." I added when he looked at me questioningly.

"There is not another way to prevent that mistake from occurring again" he replied.

"Yes there is. Accepting that it's been just a mistake. Accepting that mistakes happen sometimes. Taking your regular sleep so that your efficiency on the bridge won't lower."

"It seems to me that you fail to understand the importance of the matter, Doctor. The Enterprise has almost been destroyed because of my error." A self-reproaching expression appeared in his eyes for a moment before leaving them unemotional as always.

"I understand it perfectly well, Spock. But remember that without you _firing_ them we would've been destroyed. You made a mistake – hell, a mistake can't cancel the amazing work you do on this ship everyday! So please stop taunting yourself, it won't cancel your mistake and it won't certainly embetter your skills either."

"Logical in your own way, Doctor."

"I don't know if I should feel offended or not." I grumbled.

Spock stood.

"Hey, I'm not finished yet. Sit back there."

Spock complied with the same helpless look of a pupil reproached by the headmaster.

"Stiles was quite unfair to you. Maybe it's hard to perform at top efficiency if you feel that you're not trusted." I said, trying my best to be gentle.

"I can assure you that Mr. Stiles' opinions about my loyalty did not bother me in the slightest. Moreover, I'm a Vulcan. Personal opinions do not affect my work." He stated.

_He's always like this. Every time you think you have progressed a bit, he lets you down._

"Then it's just an incredible coincidence that you've made your only mistake so far just after a crewmember questioned your loyalty."

He looked at me defiantly but said nothing to this.

"If his opinions really don't bother you, better then. But _should_ they bother you, there wouldn't be anything strange about it because he's been a jackass."

"I find it surprising that you condemn with such vehemence Mr. Stiles' words since you make continuous remarks about my Vulcan ancestry, Doctor" he stated quietly.

For a moment I was speechless. I make remarks about Vulcans as much as Spock makes remarks about Humans and I asked myself if I had gone too far.

"Spock, you know that I tend to bicker but have you ever had the impression that I was questioning your loyalty?" I asked worriedly.

"No." he answered immediately, and I sighed with relief.

"And are you under the impression that I think you undeserving because of your ancestry?" I asked.

"No." he repeated.

"Good. Then I may complain about your pointy ears and poker face…"

"Poker face, Doctor?"

"…never mind. I may sometimes cross the line but I would never call you a traitor and I hope you know that. Stiles has been a jackass. That's what the whole crew thinks and what he himself thinks after you saved his life."

He looked at me without saying a word.

"And I don't think he has many followers on this ship. I hope some idiots won't prevent you from feeling at home on the Enterprise."

"I told you, racist considerations do not bother me in the slightest" he repeated, but I could read a reassured gaze in his eyes before he locked his emotions again.

"Well, that's quite all I wanted to say to you."

"Thank you, Doctor." He stood and left without another word.

But while he was taking leave he performed the "raised eyebrow". And I've come to know that when he does that he's near to what could be called "good mood".

_I just hope the damn Vulcan actually listened to me this time._


	2. Chapter 2

**Personal log of Dr. Leonard McCoy, Chief Medical Officer on the Enterprise**

**Vulcans will drive me crazy - The Galileo Seven **

_Oh, my. That Vulcan almost makes me swear sometimes._

It's been three days since we have returned from our mission. Well, I have to admit we've behaved like real idiots but Spock was no less so. We didn't accept the Vulcan way, which is different from ours, but he didn't accept our Human needs either.

It seems to me that Spock's still feeling bad about Latimer and Gaetano even if it wasn't his fault and even if he did save all of us in the end. I feel a small talk to him is required – along with my apologies.

I went to his quarters, it's the first time I do so out of personal matters. Actually, Spock asked me whether the Captain was unwell upon seeing me.

"Jim's fine, until he'll get into the next trouble" I snorted "I came to talk to you."

I noticed that Spock's face was blank as usual and paler than usual. He hasn't eaten much these days and he's been more Vulcan than ever.

"Come in, Doctor."

He offered me a chair, then waited for me to speak.

"First of all, I'm sorry for my behavior. On the Galileo." I clarified "I suppose we didn't help you that much."

"You did not." Spock stated without any bitterness.

"I apologize for making things harder for you." I said, and I meant it. This has been Spock's first command and as much as he really needs to improve his social skills among humans we had to know better.

"This is not the matter. You did not help me in the sense that you did not offer the cooperation that should be required during our mission."

_He's trying to be that hyper-Vulcan being again. Oh, no, boy, you're not doing that._

"No, Spock, there's more than that. We didn't understand that you manage things differently than we do, thus we didn't put you at ease."

"This concern is uncalled for, Doctor. I am a Vulcan, I do not require such things as 'ease' to work properly. Apologies are accepted. Now, if you are finished."

"I'm nothing near 'finished', you stubborn Vulcan. Now would you please listen to me instead of _dismissing_ me?" I was starting to lose my temper and that wasn't good.

Spock didn't answer and waited for me to go on.

"We made a good work of hindering you, OK. But maybe you could've striven a little more to understand our needs as well." I went on after taking a deep breath.

"If you are referring to Latimer and Gaetano, Doctor, I did what I thought was better for the well-being of the away-team. Allowing crewmembers to jeopardize their lives is not in their best interest" he declared.

_I knew he felt bad about them. And I damn sure knew that he considered his first attempt at command as a total disaster. But would he have admitted that? Nooooo way._

"Damn it, Spock! I _know_ why you did it! I even know why you didn't want to kill the Taureans! Your motives are something that this human crew would have agreed upon, had you chosen to _communicate_ it better!" I tried to keep my voice as low and quiet as I possibly could even if I was getting more angry with any second. Was it so damn hard to understand?

"I did point out my motives, Doctor."

"Spock, pointing out is different from communicating. Communicating is about behavior, not just about words! For example, why on earth did you refuse to hold the funerary duties?"

He stiffened a little.

"I thought it would have been performed more adequately by a human" he said plainly.

"Spock. You-are-half-human. Sometimes you behave as if you weren't part of this crew" I said, fuming.

"Your attitude hardly helped me to recognize myself as part of this crew, Doctor" he replied, again annoyingly calm.

"Spock, don't pretend you can fool me because you can't. You didn't want to hold the funeral duties because you felt unfit to hold them, you felt that we wouldn't have welcomed your attempt. As if you were a stranger and not a member of the crew, and don't even try to deny it, damn it!"

"There is no point in denying your conclusions, Doctor, since you do not seem willing to accept a different explanation."

"You're going to make me swear, Spock. Damn it, you're defensive as if I wanted to hurt you!"

"I am not defensive."

"I am not a cretin."

He didn't answer to this.

"Listen, I didn't come here to question your command style, I did so enough on the Galileo. I'm trying to offer an advice – I'm trying to cooperate- if you don't realize it!"

"And what would that advice be, Doctor?"

I had to be very careful about how to put it. I didn't have to make him feel embarrassed or he wouldn't have allowed me to get closer anymore.

"Sometimes your Human half could tell you what's the most adequate thing to do if you just listened to it." I said slowly.

"I am Vulcan, Doctor. I am guided by logic, not by emotions."

"Really? I hadn't noticed!" I snorted sarcastically "Spock, I'm not telling you to behave like a human and to rely upon your emotions as we do. I'm just saying that sometimes you could at least listen to your Human half. And I'm sure you're intelligent enough to understand it by yourself, so please don't make me even more annoyed."

"This kind of behavior would lower my abilities."

"This kind of behavior saved our very ass today, when you HUMANLY decided to ignite the fuel. And please don't pretend that it was a logical course of action. And still you didn't become less Vulcan because of that action."

"Your opinion has been taken note of, Doctor." Spock declared, and I know this is the closest thing to 'maybe you're right' that he ever says.

"Try it out on your next command" I said. I half knew what he would've answered to that.

"I do not believe I will be in charge again any soon" he declared with his usual blank face. But I knew better.

"I don't see why you shouldn't be. You brought us home in the end, Latimer and Gaetano's death was absolutely not your fault, you managed it." I tried to speak as softly as possible.

"Still it was difficult for me to interact with the away team."

"We'll both learn to accept each other's way, Spock. Just damn relax."

"I am not tense in the slightest, Doctor."

"Let me go back to Sickbay before I have to rant at you!" I snapped back.

"I fail to see…"

"You don't tell me!" I said through gritted teeth.

_I hope next time we'll avoid being that asses. Both of us._


	3. Chapter 3

**Personal log of Doctor Leonard McCoy, Chief Medical Officer on the Enterprise**

**Set after "Amok Time"**

Luckily I had that idea of pretending that Jim was dead!

I can't even start to imagine how much Spock was hurt. When he came back to the Enterprise he appeared so miserable that he barely tried to hide his emotions; thankfully Jim was more than alive.

Still, after that happy surprise and despite the fact that Jim was well, I knew that Spock felt very bad about what had happened.

I waited for some days but then it became evident to me that Spock wasn't going to solve that problem – and that he was also beginning to avoid Jim and me too.

Today we found ourselves together in Biology Lab to run some tests and I felt it was time to approach the subject.

"What's up, Spock?" I asked gingerly, hoping that for once he would've opened up spontaneously. How silly of me.

"What are you referring to, Doctor?" he asked back.

"Fine, I'll rephrase: are you _ever_ going to speak to Jim and me off-duty again?" I snapped. Well, he asked for it.

Spock tensed abruptly.

"What do you mean?"

_That damned Vulcan always thinks he can fool me._

"I mean that you are avoiding us, Spock. A-v-o-i-d-i-n-g. And don't pretend that you aren't."

"I find it difficult to act differently since I nearly killed the Captain and I forced you to take part to a potentially dangerous celebration" he said, aloof.

"Listen, Spock, it was not your fault. Moreover, you did invite us to the wedding but we decided to stay. T'Pau offered us to leave but we refused, we decided to take the risk and you shouldn't blame yourself for that."

He was so distressed he didn't even deny that he was blaming himself.

"Had I actually killed the Captain… had you not found that stratagem…" obviously he was about to speak about his own feelings but eventually he thought better and went silent.

"I know, Spock" I answered, trying to be as gentle as possible "but you can't reproach yourself for something you did while you weren't able to control your mind. And it wasn't your fault that you weren't in control of your mind."

"This is only one side of the problem."

"And what is the other side?" I cooed.

Spock fell silent. I felt he was too anguished by the powerfulness of his emotions.

"Fine, don't tell me. As if I couldn't understand it by myself…"

Spock stayed silent for a while, then added calmly:

"I wonder what would have been the consequences of such an event upon my mind."

"The emotional consequences."

"Yes. Personal relationships are progressing further than I had previously expected." I suppose that's the Vulcan way to say that he feels close to us and that causing us any suffering would hurt him quite a lot. But I didn't feel like telling him to translate into Human.

"Well, Spock, look at the bright side!"

"I beg your pardon, Doctor?"

I rolled my eyes: "You _annoying_ Vulcan! I mean that there is a pleasurable side too!"

"I understood the assumption. I wondered what the so-called 'bright side' would be."

"The bright side is that friendship is supposed to make people _happier_. Yes, it brings with itself more worries but it's worth them."

"Doctor, I am a Vulcan. I do not require to be happy."

"Listen, don't do that I-am-a-Vulcan thing again. You are half Human, so just deal with it and don't make me say it every single time we argue."

Spock raised both eyebrows and didn't answer.

"So, are you avoiding us because you feel it's inappropriate after what happened on Vulcan or because you don't wish to carry on a friendship?"

Spock thought briefly. "The former" he said eventually.

"Oh, so you _are_ reasonable sometimes! In that case you may as well stop this _damn_ nonsense!"

Spock regarded me for a long moment.

"There is something that still puzzles me."

"And what is that?"

"You take every opportunity to complain about me, yet you wish me to carry on a friendship. Is this some kind of dual personality disease?"

That pointy-eared devil always catches me off-guard!

"You _insufferable_ Vulcan! Thankfully I have work to do, I'll be on my merry way!" I grunted before leaving.

Damn it! Every time I think that after all I'm going to win this time he proves me wrong!


	4. Chapter 4

**The Immunity Syndrome**

**Personal log of Dr. Leonard McCoy, Chief Medical Officer on the Enterprise**

_Damn annoying Vulcan! _

As soon as he went back to the Enterprise I ordered him to Sickbay and confronted him. I was _fuming_:

"Now you _will _tell me why you did that!"

"Are you referring to my visit to the creature, Doctor?"

"Of course! What _else_ happened today?" I snorted.

"I decided to take your place, Doctor, not out of low consideration for your expertise but merely because my physical performance is higher than yours."

"Spock, I k-n-o-w that you do value my expertise, I'm NOT sulking!"

"Then I fail to understand why you are facing such a distress."

"Spock, open your pointy ears: I'm distressed because you scared the very Hell out of me! You took my place in a likely suicidal mission, that's why I'm distressed! You could've died! You _almost_ died!" I was almost yelling but Spock didn't seem perturbed and regarded me, as stoic as always.

"Is that supposed to be a display of affection?" he asked politely.

"You **bet** it is, damn it!"

Spock raised both eyebrows, which I know means "I am puzzled".

"Your way of displaying affection is rather questionable, Doctor."

"Listen who's talking!" I snorted "You pretend that you took my place just because of your higher physical performance!"

"That is true."

_Oh-oh-oh, really?_

"Spock, do me a _favor_. When you decided to take my place you knew that it would've likely been a suicidal mission. Higher or lower physical performance doesn't matter once you're dead." I pointed out.

"I am not dead, Doctor."

"Is it logical to state the _damn_ obvious, Spock?" I asked, annoyed "But when you took my place you knew that you had a high probability of dying. So now tell me why the hell you did that and don't you _dare_ to lie!"

Spock regarded me silently for a long moment.

"Taking part to that mission would have resulted in your death, Doctor, and I wished to prevent it from happening" he admitted, although recalcitrant.

"So did you take my place because of your better performance or because you were worried for me?"

He looked at me and I could see that he was slightly embarrassed but honestly I didn't give a damn.

"Both" he answered slowly.

"Should you again risk your life like this for me I'll refuse to put your pieces back together."

"Doctor, your turn of phrase will never cease to puzzle me. Moreover your Hippocratic Oath…"

"You should thank the damn Hippocratic Oath because thanks to it I havent punched your nose **yet**."

_Spock's expression was absolutely priceless._

"You actually admitted that you did something emotional. It'll happen again, believe me." I smiled smugly at him.

"You are going to be rather pleased with yourself because of this."

"You state the obvious again and I'll pull at your ears and make a _knot_ out of them!"

"Doctor, I do not believe my cartilage to be elastic enough for…"

"Spock, it's called joking. J-o-k-i-n-g!"

_Morose Vulcan!_


	5. Chapter 5

**The Empath**

**Personal Log of Dr. Leonard McCoy, Chief Medical Officer on the Enterprise**

_That Vulcan doesn't understand a damn._

Since our return from Minara I've sometimes caught Spock looking at me with a peculiar, inquiring gaze – almost akin to _awe_. At first I dismissed it, thinking that he was simply wondering about my health.

And I must say that it was tough. The physical suffering was quite easy to overcome with painkillers, sleep and most of all Jem's help. But the emotional wounds didn't prove so easy to win – and Jem couldn't help me with that.

Tonight I was in my room, listening to some music and trying to relax my nerves, when the doorbell chirmed.

"Come in" I said, straightening to sit on my bed.

The door opened to reveal Spock, blank expression and hands behind his back.

"I hope I am not disturbing you, Doctor"

"Come in, Spock" I answered. _Arguing with a Vulcan will be a nice way to relax my nerves._

He complied and walked in, coming to stand in front of me.

"When I say 'come in' I imply 'have a seat too', Spock"

He raised an eyebrow but eventually sat on my chair, in front of me.

"There is something I cannot understand. Maybe you can enlighten me."

"Well, tell me" I answered, expecting some biological or medical question.

"Why did you choose to take our place on Minara, Doctor?" he asked. He seemed quite curious about my explanation.

"Because I didn't want you or Jim to be tortured" I answered simply.

"That goes with the assumption but why? You are less able to control pain than I am, thus…" he started to _lecture_ me, the _damn Vulcan_!

"Spock, _damn it_! You are my friends, I don't want you to suffer!" I snapped.

Spock raised an eyebrow again and asked: "To the point of undergoing torture in our place?"

"To the point of undergoing _death_ in your place, Spock!" I yelled.

"I am sure you know, Doctor, that this attitude is not logical at all" Knowing Spock as I know him, I could detect a trace of affection in his voice.

"You bet it isn't. But you seem to forget, you headstrong Vulcan, that you were willing to do the same when you volunteered to kill that creature!"

Spock merely looked at me and said nothing. He couldn't deny that, he himself had admitted he had acted partially out of emotion on that occasion.

But since I was enjoying the conversation, I tried to push him a little more: "So I have to agree with you, Spock. This attitude is _not logical at all_. Neither mine nor yours."

He looked so outraged at being called 'not logical at all' that I burst into laughter.

"Pray tell me, Doctor, what amuses you so much?"

"Well" I said between laughter "your brooding expression is very funny".

"Vulcans do not brood, Doctor" he remarked.

"But half-Vulcans do!" I chided impishly.

He looked at me murderously.

"Is that why you kept fussing?"

"I beg your pardon?" He asked politely with his usual raised eyebrow.

I sighed: "Is that why you kept looking at me like a mother hen since our travel to Minara? To ask me that question?"

"Though I cannot understand the relationship between me and a _mother hen_, I do wish to ask you that question since our travel to Minara" he said. His voice was somewhat sad – _vulcanly_ sad, of course.

"I hope _you_ don't feel guilty about _my_ choice" I said, trying to be gentle. I like to bicker with Spock about his human side but deep emotions deserve to be treated with consideration.

"I was in command. I had to go first." He said curtly.

"Being in command doesn't help you when you're knocked out by a hypospry" I pointed out "I knew you wanted to go first and I couldn't let you, you shouldn't reproach yourself because it was my choice".

"Thank you, Doctor" he said finally, looking at me with the _Vulcan-affectionate gaze_ (slightly less blank than usual).

"You're welcome" I smiled.


	6. The Tholian Web

**Hi and thank you everyone for your wonderful reviews! Hope you'll enjoy this chapter too!**

**The Tholian Web**

Personal log of Leonard McCoy, Chief Medical Officer on the USS Enterprise

It's been a tough week. We were faced with Jim's presumed death, with the possibility of getting killed as well, with the madness. And Spock and I couldn't agree.

I don't know why it's so difficult for Spock and me to get along sometimes.

But this time he was the first to bring out the subject. It happened today, while we were working on some alien samples in the biology lab.

"Are you feeling well, Doctor?" he asked.

"Sure. Why do you ask?"

"Your current behaviour significantly differs from your usual one" he stated.

"And how so?"

"You are not talking" he answered with the most aloof voice.

_God knows __**why**__ I insisted on the concept of __**humor**__ with the man!_

"I can resort to talking just now if you miss it so much, my _dearest_ Spock!" I snorted.

He raised an eyebrow: "My observation was not meant to be a joke even if I have just realized that it actually has a humorous side".

I sighed: "Just thinking, Spock. Our last week hasn't been much relaxing."

"I agree"

"You agree with me? Your… how was that? _Your current behaviour is different from your usual one_ too!" I rebuffed.

Spock just regarded me with the "_I'm_ _studying an interesting natural phenomenon_" look before going back to his work.

"It's just that I'm sorry about the way everything went" I went on after some time "and I'm sorry that I questioned your command since you were right in the end". What must be said must be said.

"All the human crew of this ship was undergoing mental degradation at that time, Doctor" Spock pointed out.

"I don't think I would've acted much differently without the mental degradation. If I was able to synthesize the antidote, apparently I had some sense left. And you are too Vulcan to not know it as well".

Spock had nothing to say to this because I was right.

"Lately we've been able to find some… well, common ground and to cooperate more than we did some time ago. And I wanted –I really wanted- to be useful to you. But after this story it seems to me that our relationship has regressed." I stopped, that was enough for him to start fussing about logic and human emotion. But he didn't fuss.

"If you must know, Doctor, at some moment I believed that our agreement was teetering too. It happened when you implied that I was trying to usurp Jim's command" he stated quietly.

I had to blush. How could have I ever said that?

"Look, Spock…"

"I am not finished, please. Later I observed that your sentence differed from the emotions you had previously displayed towards me. The only logical explanation was that you did not actually believe what you said but that you were blinded by anger and trying to provoke me. Am I correct?"

"Yes you are. I could never actually think _that_."

"Then I do not believe there have been significant regressions in our agreement."

"I'm glad to hear that" I answered. _Oh, my. I'm being so mellow to the damn man that I will have to berate him very soon._

"Moreover there have been some mistakes on my part too. I probably should have pointed out more clearly what I wished to do and why."

"And why you didn't?" I asked. Since Spock was in a rare talkative mood I _had_ to keep talking.

"Because I did not think it was necessary."

_You are lying._

"Spock, don't act like a _Vulcan_, damn it!" he raised his famous eyebrow at this "The situation was emotionally stressful and you feared your human side was going to unbalance you."

"Doctor, you have a curious habit of explaining to _me_ my _own_ mental processes" he pointed out, and I could recognize the slight sarcasm in his voice.

"It's called psychology, Spock. I kinda studied it." I snorted.

"Indeed" His voice was so full (Vulcanly full, of course) of sarcasm that I didn't even grace him with an answer.

"As for your desire to be useful to me, you actually were useful to me."

"Healing illnesses is my work…"

"I am not referring to the antidote you found, Doctor."

"Then what?"

"Once you questioned my decision of not pronouncing a funeral oration and you advised me to listen to my human side occasionally. I remembered your advice this time so, as I said, you were useful to me."

"That oration was a bloody good one, Spock" I said seriously "No human could've said it better. And as I foresaw after the Galileo Seven, your command style improved quite a lot".

"Maybe one day it will improve so much that you will not question it continuously, Doctor. How much time will be necessary for this to happen, in your opinion?" he asked. _Mischievous Vulcan._

"Eternity" I declared. And he decided not to push me more.


End file.
